What Happens At NCIS, Stays At NCIS
by lily anson
Summary: Written for a challenge from the forums: One morning after a huge night of drinking Gibbs, Ducky, DiNozzo, Ziva and Abby wake up inside a stolen stretched limousine. They find an Iguana sitting on the drivers seat, they discover that they all have had NCIS tattooed onto their bodies and realise that McGee is missing.


Tony shifted trying to move whatever was digging into his side out of the way. Whatever it was, it was decidedly uncomfortable. He heard someone grumble and stopped moving. God why did his head hurt this bad, if only he could think clearly. Groaning he opened his eyes to see what was digging into his side. He frowned to himself when he realized it was someone's knee.

Following the leg Tony was shocked to discover that it belonged to Ziva. A very loudly snoring Ziva. He groaned again tried to press his hands over his ears. He desperately tried thinking back to what happened last night but nothing was coming to mind. Whatever happened he was sure there had been too much alcohol involved.

***Gibbs***

As Gibbs started to wake up his mind told him something was wrong. He sat up suddenly and a weight rolled off his chest. He blinked a few times wondering why everything was so bright. Squinting he tried to get a better idea of what was going on. Looking around he realized several things, none of which made any sense.

They were in a limousine. They? He looked around to see who all was in here with him. Apparently the weight that had rolled off him when he'd moved had been Abby. She was wearing a shirt that obviously wasn't hers. He frowned at that. Inspecting farther revealed Ducky, Ziva, and... A topless DiNozzo? Gibbs rubbed his face trying to remember something about the previous night.

***Tony***

Unable to take it any more Tony gave Ziva a hard poke in the side. She instant struck out with a kick that caught the side of his head as she sat up. Tony held his head as the pain intensified and slid down to the floor. We're dead, we have to be. There's no way I can be alive and feel like this. He rocked back and forth trying to get his head to stop throbbing.

***Ziva***

Ziva quickly turned her head trying to figure out where she was and what was going on. It wasn't until after she had already started her inspection that she realized the quick movements weren't such a good idea. She groaned and grabbed her head with bother hands as the world continued moving.

***Gibbs***

"Where are we, and why does my head feel like a herd of elephants used it for track practice?"

Gibbs turned slowly to face Abby who was laying in the floor of the limousine. He watched Tony roll back and forth slowly holding his head. Gibbs blinked a few times and turned back to Abby. He was about to answer her when he noticed something.

He moved the mystery button up shirt away from her neck.

"Why _in hell _do you have NCIS tattooed on you?"

Abby opened her eyes and looked back at him as she started to grin.

"Tattooed?" She inspected the new tattoo. "Hey, neat."

Gibbs growled and turned towards Tony. Tony had finally quit rocking back and forth and was laying with one arm over his head. Growling more Gibbs shoved Tony's arm away and ignored Tony's protests as he noted the same tattoo just below Tony's collar-bone. This was definitely not good.

"Hey neat, he's got one too!" Abby exclaimed excitedly.

Gibbs just glared. He had a bad feeling things were only going to go down hill from here. He looked at Ziva who was watching him before she moved her shirt and revealed the same tattoo. Ziva leaned over and moved his shirt back. Sure enough, he had the same tattoo in exactly the same place. He swatted her hands away and looked around again.

"Where's McGee?" he barked out.

Abby, Tony, and Ziva stared at each other before looking back at Gibbs.

"Do keep it down, Jethro. I don't think my head can take any loud noises just yet."

Before Gibbs could respond there was a hissing noise from the front. Cautiously he leaned over the divider that separated the driver's area from the back of the limousine. What he saw stunned him speechless.

"What is it Gibbs?" Ziva asked.

"An iguana," Gibbs said flatly.

"Why is there an iguana in the driver's seat?"

"You tell me," Gibbs said as sat back down.

"Does anyone know where we are," Abby asked.

"Hopefully we're near somewhere that sells aspirin," Tony added.

Gibbs looked out a window. "The middle of no where."

"What do you mean no where?" Tony lifted his head a little as he eyed his boss.

"Just what I said DiNozzo," Gibbs said opening a door and getting out of the limo.

***Ziva***

"Where are my shoes," Ziva asked as she began searching.

"Forget your shoes, where's my shirt?" Tony started looking for his shirt as his eyes settled on Abby. "Uh, Abbs, why are you wearing my shirt?"

Abby looked down at the shirt and back to Tony before shrugging, "Dunno but it's nice."

"I found this," Ducky said holding up one sneaker. "I don't suppose anyone has seen my tie?"

Ziva reached out and grabbed the shoe. "You do not have the other one?"

"No, just that one I'm afraid."

"Hey Tony, as nice as your shirt is, where's _my_shirt?"

"Why would I know," Tony muttered. "Besides I'm still missing my jacket."

***Gibbs***

Gibbs re-entered the limo and closed the door behind himself.

"Nothing anywhere near us," he informed them. "Just open country side."

"Hey Gibbs have you seen my shirt or my collar?" Abby looked at Gibbs hopefully. "That was one of my favorite collars."

"No clue what happened to your shirt, but I'd ask our friend up front about the collar if I were you." Gibbs crossed his arms and glared.

***Abby***

Abby cautiously peeked over the divider and stared in amazement as she saw her collar around the neck of the iguana. She covered her mouth to stifle a giggle. Somehow she knew Gibbs wouldn't find it that amusing.

"Aw, he's so cute."

"He's a lizard Abbs. Does anyone know where my socks went?" Gibbs asked holding his shoes in one hand. The others looked amongst themselves before turning back and shaking their heads. Gibbs just sighed. "So basically, we're in a car we don't remember how we got, in a place we don't remember going to, McGee is missing and for some reason we're all tattooed?"

"And we're missing clothes," Tony added still searching for his missing jacket.

"Tattooed," Ducky asked.

Gibbs nodded in Tony's direction as Ducky stared in shock. "Everyone one of you?"

"I'd check if you got one as well."

"I can assure you there is no way-"

"Just check," Gibbs ordered cutting him off.

Everyone stilled as they watched Ducky move his shirt slowly. Though he didn't move the shirt far enough for them to see for themselves the look on his face said everything. Ducky back at Gibbs with a shocked expression. Gibbs cut in before the other man could recover enough to speak.

"Anyone got a phone?"

Everyone began searching their pockets. One by one they shook their heads. Gibbs ran a hand over his face as he thought about what to do next.

***Meanwhile with Tim***

McGee lowered his hand away from his face and stared at the man in front of him. "I'm very sorry about this. Is there a way we can keep this confidential?"

The tattoo artist thought about it for a minute. "I guess. If you can assure me they'll take care of him and if someone actually pays me for Fred or returns him."

McGee rubbed his hand over his face again. "Let me pay you and I assure you nothings going to happen to Fred. McGee paid the pet shop owner and walked back to the car. Getting into the car, he just sat behind the wheel trying to incorporate this new bit of information.

"So they were here," asked Palmer.

"Oh yeah. Apparently they came in just before they closed and got matching tattoos."

"All of them?"

"Yes Palmer."

"Even Dr. Mallard?"

McGee grinned at the assistant M.E. as he held up Ducky's tie . "Yep. That's not all. Apparently they also stole the owner's iguana."

Palmer eyes widened. "They did what?"

McGee just continued to grin.

"Why would they steal an iguana?"

"Something about every club needing an official mascot. So they commandeered Fred."

"Fred?"

"I didn't name the thing Palmer," McGee said before starting the car. "By the way thanks for coming and getting me when they left me."

"Any time," Palmer said grinning back at McGee.

"Vance is so going to kill them if he finds out."

"So what do we do now?"

"Well apparently they showed up here in a limo."

Palmer's jaw dropped. "Where did they get a limo?"

"No clue, finding that out is the next step. My best guess? Probably the restaurant we were at, since that's where Gibbs' car was left."

"If we try tracking the car won't Vance get suspicious?"

"Probably," McGee said reaching for his phone.

"So how do we find the limo if we can't run a search for it?"

"We don't," McGee said cryptically as he made a phone call.  
_  
"Fornell."_

"Hey, I need to ask a favor."

***Later with Fornell***

"It seems they told the limo driver that they had to confiscate the limo for a federal emergency." Fornell couldn't keep from smiling as he informed the other two men.

"Did they say what the emergency was?"

"Oh yes," Fornell told them, still smiling. "It seems an older man with a bad temper said his car was missing and they had to to get tattoos."

Tim shook his head.

***Back at the limo***

I don't know why you're even complaining. Those shoes didn't cost half as much as my jacket did," Tony told Ziva.

"I liked these shoes, they're the most comfortable pair I own," Ziva argued.

"Do you guys think the iguana's hungry," Abby asked.

"Does no one remember anything from last night," Ducky interrupted.

"I think I remember swimming," Abby said looking at Ducky hopefully.

"Swimming?"

Abby shrugged and Tony hit himself in the forehead.

"That's why you have my shirt. We did go swimming. I bet that's where I left my jacket."

"Well? Are you going to tell us or do we have to guess, DiNozzo," Gibbs snapped at him.

"Uh, sorry boss. I just remembered Abby really wanted to go swimming and we stopped at the first place we could think of."

"The reflection pool," Ziva said suddenly before bringing her hands to her mouth. "You took off your socks and shoes to go in and get her, remember Gibbs?"

"Oh God," Gibbs groaned as he finally remembered.

"And I gave her my shirt since her clothes were wet."

"That still does not explain why I am missing a shoe," Ziva stated.

"Because you threw it at DiNozzo," Gibbs growled. "You threw it at him, it bounced off his thick head and hit me while I was driving."

"And you threw it out the window," Abby exclaimed, suddenly remembering.

"That was my favorite pair of shoes!"

"Well you shouldn't have thrown it," Tony argued.

"You should learn to keep your mouth shut!"

"You can't blame me because you resort to violence all the time."

"If you do not shut your mouth-"

"Quiet," Gibbs ordered them. "Someone's coming."

Everyone watched the car driving down the dirt road. As it neared it slowed and finally stopped next to them. Gibbs groaned as he watched Fornell getting out. Oh great, I'm never going to live this one down, he thought to himself.


End file.
